Sophia Rucker

Grade: 10

Laurel School

Instructor: Kate Webb

My Statement

Poetry

My Statement

I Do What I Do
If you see me you can see me doing things where all you can say is "you do you."
You see me when I do what I do with no offense or help from you.
All I can say is that I do what I do.
All I can think is you know what I do.
All you can say is "you do you."
I don't need any help from you, no thank you!
When I step back and see how I move and groove all I can say for myself is that I do what I do,
so you mind your own business and you do you.
I could see you dancing alone or hear you on speaker phone and I'm still gonna let you do what you do.
But when you see me alone or on my phone in my own zone I don't even get a "you do you,"
what I do get is a "Why don't you go out and socialize?"
Girl, has it ever occurred to you that I don't want to.
Shoot, why even try to?
If I know that I could be alone in my zone then why do I
have to be the energetic being that entertains you?
Let me speak my very own truth, I don't want to,
I might not even like you.
I do what I do and if you don't like it then
forget you.

I Didn't Understand
I'm sorry I didn't understand.
Teacher please just say it again.
I'm lost, the class just goes so fast.
I'm lost, the sounds and the movement around the classroom made by peers and outside sources just caught my attention, it wasn't on purpose.
My mind just drifts sometimes, my focus just isn't controlled, my eyes aren't on the prize.
I don't understand I'm sorry.
These things are things that I either say or think about on the daily.
I'm sorry my mind is just wandering, I'm sorry I just get distracted really quickly.
My medication must have worn off.
I forgot to take my meds this morning.
I took my meds on an empty stomach I'm sorry.
I didn't quite catch what you were teaching.
Unless I am medicated your words make no sense to me, your words travel lightly and fly past me.
Your words and your lesson did not register in my memory, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry teacher don't you see, I'm sorry it was the unmedicated me listening not the put together ADHD can't stop me mentality that only sometimes possesses me.
I can do this!
Nothing can stop me!
I am radiant with positivity
Yeah no.
Lower your expectations to zero because that is not me.
I am not sully or melancholy but I am not a light and shining positive being.
I am me
A girl with ADHD
A girl that knows some people are against me
A girl that knows my medicine wears out around 4:30 so I might not catch everything but let my mind drift to lights and sensors and sounds and movements all of the things that surround me.
I'm sorry teacher I didn't quite catch what you said I was too busy riding the roller coaster that is all the thoughts in my head.
I didn't understand.

Every Color
As the seasons change, my color follows that pattern.
In the summer I get darker, my undertones are warmer, and that's just me.
I don't have to tan or stand outside for the weather to affect my color.
In the winter and when it is cold, I get lighter and my undertones are a mix of yellow and blue.
Unlike my mother, sister, brother, and grandmother, I seem to change and have different colors.
When it gets colder my family knows I shift colors.
One night my grandmother asked me why it is that when it gets colder, I seem to change colors.
Let me be real for a second, here are her exact words.
"Why do you get yellow?"
Thankfully my mother was there to answer for me,
"It's the Irish'' in me.
If you were to stand my mother and "father's" families
you could clearly see that they differ in nationality and color.
My dad's side is more European than my mother's.
As the seasons change, especially in the summer, that's when I hear that I look just like my mother.
My color might change but my loyalty does not.
I am a Black writer and you better not forget that Black comes in all shapes and colors.

My Statement
My Blackness is real and it is so very fulfilling.
My Blackness occurs in every aspect of my life whether I'm speaking on my struggles or I am brushing my teeth.
My Blackness is me living.
It doesn't matter whether I am happy, sad, or life is just boring.
My statement is that my Blackness is in every part of me.

Every Other
I feel darker.
I feel darker being at school more than I usually do.
I feel darker in a sense some white people would never register.
I feel like the darkness I possess is taken and made into a photo opportunity to put on display when you want to present "our" diversity.
You use my darkness as a prop to make you feel better about yourself and your ideals, like this "diversity" is real.
Like this "diversity" isn't a cover to hide all of the groups that don't feel included, all the groups that go unrepresented, all the groups that you mix in with the white girls to have them pose for a photo.
Do your stats look better?
Do they increase the probability of a person of color attending this school when you post and hashtag diversity?
Am I just a hashtag to you?
Are we just a hashtag to you?
"Don't forget the every other."
For every other white person there has to be a person of color or they won't see the diversity.
Don't you guys remember?
We are every other.
You see me with a friend and put a stacy in between and boom every other.
Don't forget to smile guys or you might look uncomfortable.
Don't forget every other!
Don't forget to put your hand around another, look every other!