Ida FitzGordon

Grade: 12

Shaker Heights High School

Instructor: Marina Wasserman

Loss

Dramatic Script

Loss

(It's the late afternoon in New York City. Riley stands right outside the doorway of Jennifer's apartment wearing a backpack. Jennifer and Riley look at each other after Riley just asked a question.)

JENNIFER
(Hesitantly)
Sorry, but she doesn't really live here anymore.

RILEY
Oh… sorry to bother you. Do you know her? If you do, can you tell her Riley stopped by? and it's important.
(Jennifer leans against the doorframe)

JENNIFER
Oh… Riley,
(Pause)
Um, when was the last time you spoke to her?

RILEY
A few months ago, we stopped talking for a while but when I've reached out lately she hasn't responded.
(Riley looks remorseful and is playing with the straps
of their backpack, looking down at the ground)

JENNIFER
Well yeah… I don't really know how else to say this. She died.
(Riley immediately looks up with surprise disbelief and pure
sadness in their eyes, they pause before they speak)

RILEY
What?

JENNIFER
It happened a month or two ago.

RILEY
Oh my god.

JENNIFER
I'm so sorry.

RILEY
Oh my god.

JENNIFER
(Hesitantly)
Uhm, do you want to come in?
(Riley doesn't respond, obviously in shock)

JENNIFER
Here, come in, I can get you something to drink and you can sit down.

RILEY
(Hesitates)
Okay.
(Jennifer takes Riley's arm and leads them inside to the couch)

JENNIFER
Sit here, I'll get some water.
(Riley pauses and kind of just stands by the couch for a second, slowly
they take off their backpack and place it on the ground and they sit
down on the couch. Jennifer walks to the kitchen island a few feet away)

RILEY
She's my best friend… was my best friend. I can't believe this.

JENNIFER
I'm so sorry.

RILEY
(They pause before asking)
Um, sorry I don't know how else to ask this but, who are you?
(Riley puts a pillow in their lap and is
fidgeting with the edges, again, looking down)

JENNIFER
Don't apologize, I'm Jennifer. I've lived here for the past 5 months, with Erin for the first three but then…
(She trails off)
yeah.
(Jennifer walks back with two glasses of water)

RILEY
She- I uh- It's been 6 months since the last time I talked to her.

JENNIFER
Y'know, she mentioned you sometimes.
(Jennifer puts down two coasters on the table in front of
the couch and puts down the glasses of water)

RILEY
(They look up)
Did she ever say anything bad?
(looks back down)
I guess it doesn't really matter now.
(Jennifer sits down on the couch)

JENNIFER
Never. Always that she missed you or sometimes she'd be reminded of you I guess and tell me stories. Like when you two got on the wrong train and went all the way to union square before you noticed. That was a funny one.

RILEY
I can't believe I didn't reach out sooner. We got in such a stupid argument, that's why we hadn't talked in so long.

JENNIFER
I did hear about that.

(They just look at each other neither really knowing what to say next)

JENNIFER
She wasn't mad y'know.

RILEY
I was. For no reason. That's why I reached out first last month because I realized I was being stupid. Because I just missed her so much. I should've swallowed my pride and done it sooner. I wish I did it sooner.

JENNIFER
She wanted to reconnect too, I don't know why she never reached out but she didn't. It wasn't only your responsibility. It's gonna be okay. I know how you're feeling, I only knew her for a little while but I know how amazing she was. It was so hard to have such a bright beautiful person in my life for 3 months and then have her just be gone.

RILEY
She really was amazing.

JENNIFER
She was. It'll get easier Riley. It will be okay eventually.

RILEY
(Gradually getting more frantic)
I can't even imagine that right now. Honestly. How could it ever be okay, the last 6 months without her have been impossible and now I have to do that for the rest of my life? I don't know how, I don't know what to do, how am I ever supposed to recover? Move on?

JENNIFER
You don't have to move on, at least not yet. You can let yourself grieve and,
(small pause)
let yourself feel awful. Because you will be ok again eventually. It might not feel like it now but one day. And you might feel better soon and then worse again. Healing is a painful, heartbreaking process but you will get through it. And she will be so proud of you.

RILEY
I-
(they choke out a sob)
I don't want to heal, I just want to see my best friend again. I need to see my best friend again. Oh my god. I'm never going to see her ever. again.

JENNIFER
Do you want advic or do you just want me to listen. I've been there and I get it and I want to do anything I can to help.

RILEY
I don't know, I literally have no idea what to do. Like where am I supposed to go from here?

JENNIFER
You don't have to go anywhere, both figuratively and literally. It gets kind of lonely around here sometimes. This apartment is open to you whenever you need it.

RILEY
Thank you.
(Crying)
I just don't understand why.

JENNIFER
I know, It's so hard. There is no logic to things like this, it doesn't make sense now and I don't think it ever will.
(Riley tries to calm their breathing, they sit together for a
little bit until the sobs turn into silent tears)

RILEY
Can I ask, how did it happen?

JENNIFER
Yeah. It's a little bit of a rough story. Do you want the details…

RILEY
I think so,
(Pause)
Yeah.

JENNIFER
She was walking home from a class she started taking, a ceramics class, she crossed the street and a car just swerved and hit her. It wasn't intentional, I'm pretty sure the driver fell asleep at the wheel, doesn't really make it any less awful though.

RILEY
Jesus.

JENNIFER
They said it was painless if it makes you feel any better. Pretty much instant.

RILEY
I don't know if anything can make me feel better. Ever.
(Riley leans over and puts their head in their hands)

JENNIFER
I know honey, I'm so sorry. I wish so badly she was still here.
(Riley sits back up)

RILEY
This just hurts so bad and it's only the beginning.

JENNIFER
Speaking from experience, the pain will start to fade, It will never go away but eventually it won't be as all consuming and miserable as it is now.

RILEY
I don't know how that's possible.
(Becoming more emotional)
I don't know how you can even say that. You-you barely even knew her. Your pain doesn't compare to mine at all right now.

JENNIFER
You might be right. But I still loved her and grieved for her.

RILEY
(Increasingly angry)
Yeah, everyone who met her loved her but not everyone grew up with her, experienced their whole life with her by their side like I did. What you and I feel is not the same. Your grief does not compare to mine.

(Riley is obviously frustrated, Jennifer moves to the far
side of the couch, one leg down and the other up
and just listens to what they have to say)

RILEY
(Talking facing Jennifer and then just turns to the room)
You couldn't have really known who she was. How wonderful. How she could make any sad day better.
(Turns back to Jennifer)
You knew her for 3 months and think the way we are feeling is even in the same range? It's not.

JENNIFER
I know.

(Riley stands up abruptly, they are looking more towards
the room than towards Jennifer again. They are very distressed,
moving their hands and moving around a little bit)
RILEY
(angry and resentful)
No, you don't. That's the problem. Maybe you could've gotten to understand her and scratch the surface of just how life-changing she was. But you can't now. Because she's gone. She's dead. It's just not fair. She was the most consistent thing in my life, the most beautiful thing in my life. And I missed the last 6 months of hers because of a stupid fight.

JENNIFER
(Getting more frustrated, she puts both legs down on the ground)
RIley, I know you're hurting, as much as you might think I don't, I get it, I do. You have every right to be angry, every right to be upset. But not with me. I have had my time to grieve and process this and I understand that you haven't but you came knocking on my door and I have done everything I can to help you in the 10 minutes I've known you and I am not the person to direct your anger towards.

RILEY
(Now facing Jennifer again)
Then who the hell am I supposed to direct my anger towards? I am angry with you. You didn't know Erin like I did, you didn't love her like I did and yet you were the one who got to spend the last months of her life with her. It's not fair. I deserved to see her and to live with her before she died.
(Jennifer stands up, facing Riley. They are a foot or two away
from each other, both obviously distressed)

JENNIFER
(Uncharacteristically hostile)
It is not my fault that you screwed up your friendship and missed out. I spent that time with her, I loved her, maybe not the same way that you did but she was important to me and when she died I was in pain. You don't get to invalidate that just because of the pain you are feeling right now.
(Jennifer looks remorseful, they both pause, looking at each other,
looks like they are both calming down)

JENNIFER
(frustrated but getting more gentle and kind)
I offered to let you stay in my apartment, after knowing you for minutes, because I sympathize and I know the helplessness that comes with the grief. It's hard to cope with things like this. Your anger makes sense, this shock and pain is an explanation. But not an excuse. I don't want you in my home if you are gonna repay my kindness with hostility.

RILEY
(Sits back down, tears streaming down their face, another pause)
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's not fair to compare our grief. Nothing about this entire situation is fair. But you have done absolutely nothing wrong, you've been nothing but kind to me since I got here. and things like grief just can't be measured. I just don't know what to do with this. I'm sorry.

JENNIFER
It's okay.
(Riley is sobbing again with their head in their hands leaning over)
I'm sorry too.
(Jennifer sits down next to Riley and they just sit)

New Hair Will Fix Everything

Short Story

New Hair Will Fix Everything

I woke up this morning on a mission. Today I will dye my hair. I've been meaning to for a while. I actually was supposed to dye it blue for homecoming and then dye it something else for Halloween. I couldn't get myself to do it before the dance though, so I will dye my hair blue now. Even though I still plan on changing it completely in a week or two. I just need to dye my hair today, I need to. Nothing else is as important as me dyeing my hair today.

I scramble downstairs for my towel and gloves. Nevermind, I'm out of gloves. I guess I'm gonna be blue. Nothing can stop me, I need to dye my hair today. I rush back into my room; it's time to start. As I kneel down to move things out of the way I see my crusty bowls of hair dye. I forgot to clean them up last time. God, what is wrong with me? Now I have to clean them, awesome. Not even this will get in my way. I just need to dye my hair. That'll make things better.

Now that I'm standing at the sink, I really do not want to do this. But I have to. I scrub the sides of the bowl to get the hardened dye off — this is the worst part. The sponge already has a thick layer of dye coating the surface and the bowl isn't even close to being clean. It's disgusting. After multiple minutes of scouring vigorously I am now satisfied with my results. Not totally clean, but close enough.

I'm ready. I head back upstairs and lay my towel onto the floor directly in front of the mirror on my closet door. I squeeze the purple dye out of the bottle and into the bowl. It's so pretty, but I've already decided that today I'm gonna mix my own color. I pick up an old-ish bottle of light blue dye and begin to add it in. I pause: that doesn't look right. Setting the bottle down I pick up the bowl to examine it more closely. That's definitely not right. The color is darker and the texture is off; maybe it was older than I thought? Oh well, I will not let this get in the way of me dyeing my hair. Whatever happens, happens. I mix the dyes together. It's time.

I stick my fingers into the pool of purple and blue and take a scoop. Ew. I slap the dye onto the side of my head. Ew. It might be kind of gross without gloves, but I actually love dying my hair. Going through and fully saturating every little strand is kind of meditative. New hair is gonna make everything better. I make my way through each section of my hair, doing my best to get it all. I lean in to make sure I've gotten my roots. Nothing is more embarrassing than having a chunk of hair that's still blonde, especially if it's right at the top of my head. I rub in a whole bunch of dye at the roots, my face uncomfortably close to the mirror. I don't particularly like looking at myself, at least not this close. I start to sit up again but something weird catches my eye. There's something on my forehead, right by the left side of my hairline. Maybe it's acne or something, but I don't really get a lot of acne. It looks kind of like I got a cut on my forehead. But it looks bad. I don't know when this happened, I don't know how I didn't notice getting a cut on my forehead. I lean forward again, I need to know more. It looks really gross. The skin around whatever that spot is looks kind of… gray? Why is my skin gray? What is this? I don't know what's going on. I have to be making this up. Maybe I am just hallucinating? That's what it is. I blink a few times, maybe my eyes are just a little blurry. Blinking did not make the cut go away. I don't know if it's a cut, I don't know what it is. It can't be real. Maybe I've gone crazy? I am definitely making this up. Maybe I'm just really tired? I don't know. This just isn't real. Yup. Nothing is real. Nothing matters. It's okay. I just have to keep dying my hair. New hair will fix all of my problems.

I'm still sitting in front of my mirror. Thirteen minutes and 46 seconds until I wash my hair out. Whatever that spot is, it hasn't gone away. I still don't think it's real. If I ignore it, maybe it will go away? But I can't stop looking at it. It's okay. It's not real. Maybe this is just the way I am now? I don't think it's a cut. It looks weirder than that. It looks kind of like my skin is starting to fall apart. Maybe I'm rotting? Hah. That's kinda funny. Like so absurd that it makes me laugh. It doesn't even matter anyway. It's not even real.